BDSM Romance » Profiles

Criticizing Tops

Richard — Mon, 25 Apr 2011 12:35:12 +0000

I just read a profile that says only:

looking to explore my desires to control and use.

You might expect me to mock the guy because the profile is too short.

But the words admit inexperience and make no demands. It is easy to belive that he’s willing to discuss and negotiate. His mind hasn’t been corrupted by absolutist fantasies.

And I’ve complained about tops who seem to be typing with one hand while they wank with another. Unable to distinguish between what they think they want and what they might possibly get.

People visiting this site might read some entries and think I have it in for dominant persons and sadists. Not at all. Some of my satisfaction in life comes from another person’s will and cruelty.

If you’d known me – if only virtually – to read what I’ve written over the years about sadism, masochism and consensual power exchange you’d see that I often signaled out men who describe themselves as submissive for dispraise.

Sadly regardless of power exchange orientation most men and women need to discern what they really need, discover what is possible and learn how to convey that in an online personal ad or profile.

Just so you know.

Criticizing Tops
BDSM Romance - Notes on Power Exchange and S&M by an Erotically Electic Guy

Master Nice Guy Finishes Last

Richard — Fri, 22 Apr 2011 11:50:38 +0000

Faux Master Nice Guy

I’ve often written about men – tops and bottoms – whose profiles seem to have been written when they were emotionally intoxicated by porn. Drunk with sadistic excess.

There’s a very different class.

Man who post personal ads on kinky hookup and dating sites want many different things: conventional SSCM or RACK BDSM sessions, a slave girl lover, just somebody to keep house and suck his cock.

Or maybe just a girlfriend. There are men who show know sign that they understand that many of the women on the site what to be whipped and even degraded.

These guys seem to be looking for vanilla sweethearts. Is Master Nice Guy reading for a girl who wants to be locked in a cage, pissed on and told she’s a worthless slut?

They often say they want a special lady. No qualifications. Were I a heteorsexual women the very phrase special lady would push me away. You suspect he spent his youth watching the Lifetime Network.

I’d really like to hear from bottoms who perhaps dealt with a Master Nice Guy.

Master Nice Guy Finishes Last
BDSM Romance - Notes on Power Exchange and S&M by an Erotically Electic Guy

LOL!

Richard — Thu, 07 Apr 2011 12:09:47 +0000

LOL is rarely a good sign in any communication. But I admit to having a couple of friends who have the habit.

In BDSM profiles by tops it is invariably a bad sign. (Bottoms are usually too lost in either nervousness or fear to insert inane giggles into their profiles.)

Tops write:

Never know what to put here LOL!

Learn if you want to inspire respect.

I’m different. LOL!

How?

I don’t what the usual relationship. LOL!

In what way?

I’ll fill this in later. LOL!

You never do.

Really I’m talking about male tops. Dominant women don’t seem nearly as likely to do this. It isn’t characteristic of their profiles (even if those have other problems).

Don’t LOL yourself into lonliness.

LOL!
BDSM Romance - Notes on Power Exchange and S&M by an Erotically Electic Guy

Dominant vs Dominate

Richard — Mon, 28 Mar 2011 11:48:03 +0000

When I see a profile in which the top says that he is a dominate rather than dominant I think: I can’t submit to an illiterate. (Untrue at least in my fantasies where … well you know … )

I have to confess that I’ve caught myself typing the wrong thing lots lately. Maybe I’m just a supercilious – but submissive – bastard.

It also bugs me when a woman calls herself a femdom.

As far as I can tell most people never realize their profiles are useless. And they rarely revise them unless it is to rant that nobody wants to serve them.

Dominate vs. Dominant

Dominant vs Dominate
BDSM Romance - Notes on Power Exchange and S&M by an Erotically Electic Guy

Master Very Confused

Richard — Sun, 16 Jan 2011 13:40:31 +0000

Man of Too Many Profiles

Gratiutious photograph: Jake Drummond

I understand confusion, self-doubt and dismay at the limitations of online profiles and personal ads.

I have multiple profiles: each is an attempt to display in a distinct fashion my masochism and submissiveness. I’ve seen others, including tops do the same.

But one male dominant’s profiles suggest he is so mixed-up and uncertain that the idea of him being in control of another person ia disturbing.

He’s created eight different profiles in the last three days. Some are blank, others have a sentence. His stated age varies from 38 to 39. His height: 5’4″ – 5’5″. His weight by at least ten pounds – and he’s overweight or a mountain of muscle regardless.

The variation in profile names isn’t meaningful.

Poor man.

Master Very Confused
BDSM Romance - Notes on Power Exchange and S&M by an Erotically Electic Guy

Mistress Stupid

Richard — Tue, 11 Jan 2011 00:58:01 +0000

Switching from SaneMasochist to SlavishRichard certainly upped the profile views. I knew it would.

A woman here in North Catolina wrote to me. She wanted to know if I had any additional photographs of myself (I don’t nor a camera with which to take any.)

I apologized and observed that I’d read her profile and didn’t feel that I was the kind of man that she was looking for. Her profile stated that she didn’t want anyone overweight. The rest of it was the usual bitching about the submissive guys who contacted her. To be bald about it she was fat and quite ugly.

She wrote to say that I could visit her and we’d see how it went. I replied expressing my regret that I was unable to leave Durham at this time but that perhaps that would change. No response.

I don’t think I could tolerate her. That she is physically unappealing is irrelevant. I want a sadist not a beauty pageant winner. Besides I no prize myself anymore.

Unavoidably sounding arrogant I confess that I’ve never felt that a top needs to be as smart as I am. Not that I want a fool (except in fantasy). Common sense is all I ask for. And a little skill with whips and canes.

My messages to her:

Dear Mistress X,

…
…
…

Best regards,
Richard

This woman’s communications looked like a scrabble board after a nuclear war. No capitalization. No punctuation. She didn’t even bother to spell “me” correctly.

How can you respect or trust someone like that?

Mistress Stupid
BDSM Romance - Notes on Power Exchange and S&M by an Erotically Electic Guy

Paranoid Masochist

Richard — Sat, 08 Jan 2011 13:18:47 +0000

Timidity

A male top wrote to me recently and it inspired distrust, perhaps paranoia.

Bits and pieces:

The man is much younger.
His profile fits me very, very closely in some ways.
He’d just joined the site.
His profile photograph is black and white.
The photograph looks dated and professional.

The black ahd white photo that looks as if it might have come from a magazine made me really fear the profile is a scam or fake of some sort.

With no other justification other than nervous intuition I never responded to the guy.

I feel a bit guilty about this. But I couldn’t figure out any proper way to say: prove to me you aren’t a nut or con artist. Justification of paranoid feelings often occurs ex post facto.

Paranoid Masochist
BDSM Romance - Notes on Power Exchange and S&M by an Erotically Electic Guy

Christmas Season Profiles

Richard — Sat, 08 Jan 2011 11:29:21 +0000

The last few weeks I’ve noticed a surge in new BDSM – Tops, I don’t look at Bottom’s normally.

Some were withdrawn almost instantly Many were blank, offering no hint or clue as to the man’s kinks, fetishes or requirements.

A guy with a blank profile wrote me. He gave me his AOL email address. I wrote the guy citing his invitation to contact him. I had a full profile, he had none: what should I say?

He responded saying he’d hoped I’d let him know what I was looking for. I like to think several hundred words in a profile gives a good indication of my desires. BDSM Romance is in my sig. He said he’d take a look at the site and get back to me.

He didn’t. Maybe he didn’t like what he saw here. Or felt that I’d been inadequate in communicating.

Christmas Season Profiles
BDSM Romance - Notes on Power Exchange and S&M by an Erotically Electic Guy

Sane Masochist

Richard — Mon, 06 Dec 2010 17:11:05 +0000

On Recon I was running a profile with the colorless but plainspoken handle of Sane Masochist.

I’ve played with various user names and profile texts on and off since I first used the web to meet people back in 1999.

Sane Masochist attracted almost no profile views. The fewest of any profile that I’ve posted to Recon. Since no one read the profile it wasn’t the text but the name itself.

Nobody wanted a sane masochist. I’ll see how a more exiting name fares.

Sane Masochist
BDSM Romance - Notes on Power Exchange and S&M by an Erotically Electic Guy

BDSM Profiles During Holidays

Richard — Sun, 28 Nov 2010 18:22:26 +0000

I’d been wondering how – if – the holiday season would effect viewership of my profiles. Many, many years ago when I ran a gay escort service there was a Christmas time spike in calls from lonely men.

On Recon – the only place my profiles are really active right now – my submissive profile experienced a jump in being read by other submissive guys. Tops and masters all but vanished.

I draw no conclusions. But pass it along as a data point for your own speculations.

BDSM Profiles During Holidays
BDSM Romance - Notes on Power Exchange and S&M by an Erotically Electic Guy