I thought I was done with noting profiles. But I ran across one that I think is worse than a blank profile.

You may have noticed that some profiles contain warnings that copying any portion of that profile will result in “legal ramifications” – or some other awkward imprecise threat.

I understand the motivation. Many years ago on Yahoo a man copied one of my profiles word for word. The theft greatly offended me. I could’ve complained to Yahoo. Unlikely the company would have done anything.

The dark caveats and the end or profiles are probably not enforceable. And even if the copying were ruled against by a judge or jury the penalty – if any – would be less than the cost of the lawsuit.

None of the profiles contain sentences worth protecting. They are just concatenations of generic sentiments.

The profile that caught my eye: it contained the warning only. Nothing describing the writer or what he was looking for. Essentially it threatened anyone who copied the threat.

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Don’t You Dare Copy My Profile
BDSM Romance - Notes on Power Exchange and S&M by an Erotically Electic Guy

I just read a profile that says only:

looking to explore my desires to control and use.

You might expect me to mock the guy because the profile is too short.

But the words admit inexperience and make no demands. It is easy to belive that he’s willing to discuss and negotiate. His mind hasn’t been corrupted by absolutist fantasies.

And I’ve complained about tops who seem to be typing with one hand while they wank with another. Unable to distinguish between what they think they want and what they might possibly get.

People visiting this site might read some entries and think I have it in for dominant persons and sadists. Not at all. Some of my satisfaction in life comes from another person’s will and cruelty.

If you’d known me – if only virtually – to read what I’ve written over the years about sadism, masochism and consensual power exchange you’d see that I often signaled out men who describe themselves as submissive for dispraise.

Sadly regardless of power exchange orientation most men and women need to discern what they really need, discover what is possible and learn how to convey that in an online personal ad or profile.

Just so you know.

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Criticizing Tops
BDSM Romance - Notes on Power Exchange and S&M by an Erotically Electic Guy

I’ve often written about men – tops and bottoms – whose profiles seem to have been written when they were emotionally intoxicated by porn. Drunk with sadistic excess.

There’s a very different class.

Man who post personal ads on kinky hookup and dating sites want many different things: conventional SSCM or RACK BDSM sessions, a slave girl lover, just somebody to keep house and suck his cock.

Or maybe just a girlfriend. There are men who show know sign that they understand that many of the women on the site what to be whipped and even degraded.

These guys seem to be looking for vanilla sweethearts. Is Master Nice Guy reading for a girl who wants to be locked in a cage, pissed on and told she’s a worthless slut?

They often say they want a special lady. No qualifications. Were I a heteorsexual women the very phrase special lady would push me away. You suspect he spent his youth watching the Lifetime Network.

I’d really like to hear from bottoms who perhaps dealt with a Master Nice Guy.

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Master Nice Guy Finishes Last
BDSM Romance - Notes on Power Exchange and S&M by an Erotically Electic Guy

LOL is rarely a good sign in any communication. But I admit to having a couple of friends who have the habit.

In BDSM profiles by tops it is invariably a bad sign. (Bottoms are usually too lost in either nervousness or fear to insert inane giggles into their profiles.)

Tops write:

Never know what to put here LOL!

Learn if you want to inspire respect.

I’m different. LOL!

How?

I don’t what the usual relationship. LOL!

In what way?

I’ll fill this in later. LOL!

You never do.

Really I’m talking about male tops. Dominant women don’t seem nearly as likely to do this. It isn’t characteristic of their profiles (even if those have other problems).

Don’t LOL yourself into lonliness.

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LOL!
BDSM Romance - Notes on Power Exchange and S&M by an Erotically Electic Guy

When I see a profile in which the top says that he is a dominate rather than dominant I think: I can’t submit to an illiterate. (Untrue at least in my fantasies where … well you know … )

I have to confess that I’ve caught myself typing the wrong thing lots lately. Maybe I’m just a supercilious – but submissive – bastard.

It also bugs me when a woman calls herself a femdom.

As far as I can tell most people never realize their profiles are useless. And they rarely revise them unless it is to rant that nobody wants to serve them.

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1. Dominate vs. Dominant

Dominant vs Dominate
BDSM Romance - Notes on Power Exchange and S&M by an Erotically Electic Guy

People often send pointless malignant notes who offend them by simply having a certain preference or taste.

In the same-sex portion of my vanilla sexuality I prefer highly feminine, waifish, weak guys. The more ‘sissified’ the better.

On AOL many years ago a message from someone with a screenname like ‘bigbadbear’ asking me how dare I like such disgusting creatures as femme gay men. And his wasn’t the only communication bitching about my taste in male lovers.

On Recon I’ve been sent mysterious objurgations to “Grow up boi!” No explanation. Some thing or things in one of my profiles I guess. Writing back to ask what prompted the remark never garners a reply.

Yesterday on CollarMe a man wrote to tell me that it was offensive of me to have listed enemas as a soft limit. He’s over a thousand miles away so he isn’t planning on trying to meet me. Evidently the idea that someone might refuse one is disgusting for him to contemplate. (Soft Limits: I won’t do it the first time that I meet you But if we are going to see each other repeatedly then I’ll willingly submit to the act).

Nothing makes a man* less masterful than sending unasked for abuse from the anonymity of internet dating sites.

* No woman has ever sent me anything like that.

No related posts.

Online Harassment
BDSM Romance - Notes on Power Exchange and S&M by an Erotically Electic Guy

Elsewhere I’ve criticized and suggested ways in which submissive guys might improve their profiles and personal ads. But many dominant (men) are just as bad.

I wouldn’t bother to bitch about tops who don’t know the difference between dominant and dominate. Or the men who think the ellipsis a universal punctuation mark.

What startles me is the (hope to be) Masters who post a profile and obviously never look at it a second time.

There’s a fellow who claims to be searching for a 14/7 relationship. I don’t believe his profile. I bet he really wants a 24/7 slave.

Another top must have copied and pasted his profile text from a word-processing program. What he wants a potential submissive person to read is interlarded with the sort of metadata that you get from MS Word and the like.

Both of these profiles have been up for a long stretch. The author of neither has never gone back to read what he wrote. As the frustration of not hearing from anyone continues each probably feels picked on by fate.

Speaking for my own branch of submissive masochist: one thing that a top must inspire is respect. Not writing a minimally intelligible, readable profile is a sure way to prevent respect from ever developing.

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Master / Mistress Please Read Your Profile
BDSM Romance - Notes on Power Exchange and S&M by an Erotically Electic Guy

Because my sexuality is fluid and mercurial I can say many different – even seemingly contradictory – things about my desires and needs that are all conditionally true.

In my online profiles I’ve tried various strategies for honestly capturing my sexual and affectional orientations. To be honest without confusing or overtaxing the reader.

A proper profile for myself as a submissive and masochistic man would need to be a small website of about twenty pages. Since my changes are slim I’ve never actually put out the effort to construct such. (Though I did create one consisting of several pages in the time shortly before Charles.)

What you may get out of my profiles is contingent on your expectations, inclinations and patience.

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About My Profiles
BDSM Romance - Notes on Power Exchange and S&M by an Erotically Electic Guy

In my opinion a Master is completed by his slave/pup – a successful Master is a Master who shapes his slave into reflecting his personality and brings out the features of the slave that enhances these. An owner who has the ability to be everything for his slave, who can take over the slave’s free will and make him totally submit to the slave life, that a true slave ultimately seeks: being fully owned and stripped of free will as well as not having to make any choices in his personal life.

Imagine having to be everything for someone. Only a egomaniac – or a hopelessly naïve person – could imagine achieving that status.

Hence a successful Master has embraced and acknowledged his superiority and wants to share his life with an inferior person. Such a Master will know his desired direction and means to get where he wants to go with his life. With him, in this process, make sure the slave works in the same direction, and pursues the same goals as his Master.

It is always important to remember: superiority is granted by the Department of Poetic Licenses, which are invalid in real space-time.

A slave is not a slave if not owned by a master! A successful slave is – in my opinion – a man who has willingly given up his freedom and free will, to a person who is his superior. A successful slave will go through fire and ice for his Master. He is fully obedient as he knows the Master will know best. The success in itself is not as much the submission, but the full acceptance and embracement of the mentality of the submissive within. The slave should be ready to totally submit on all levels, and give up every aspect of free will and let his Master be in charge of him with no exceptions!

Will the Master also plow through fire and ice for the slave? How is this different from any over-the-top relationship? This is what husbands and wives have been promising one another for ages. Sometimes they even do it.

A successful slave has eliminated every concept of self and embraced his Master and his Masters will totally.

Not being a Buddhist the idea of eliminating sense of self sounds disturbing. This kind of psychologically untenable expectation is just a disaster waiting to happen.

A successful Master slave relation is a relation where the Master respects the choice of the slave, and gives his slave meaning with the pursuit of becoming his object. Where the slave respects and obeys the master, and where the Master becomes more and more incorporated into the slave until the slave is no longer an individual, but has become an extension of his owner. A symbiosis, where both parts achieve the completion of what is ultimately the natural state of mind: the unification of two individual life’s into a higher state of life.

No longer an individual. Just a little slave robot with no personality. I’ve always been irked by all this higher state species of chatter. It just means the writer’s penis gets hard when he thinks of all this. And erections – like being drunk or stoned – often make men feel they are having or picturing experiences special profundity.

I don’t think the Master who wrote this is a bad person. A bit silly. And perhaps hoping for a relationship where any reason for insecurity, possibility of failure has been eliminated.

Not that I don’t understand the appeal – on both sides. But only fools forget that interpersonal entanglements are complicated, subject to capricious acts of god, health and so many other things.

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Master Everything
BDSM Romance - Notes on Power Exchange and S&M by an Erotically Electic Guy

The top’s profile had a reasonable feel at first. The man seemed reasonable and mature. A bit ambiguous but it can be tough to both be specific and keep a range of options open when writing a profile.

When he got to outlining what he wanted in a slave it was the usual 24/7, total slave, no limits razzmatazz. But in summarizing his slave’s life there was an element that stood out starkly:

No future.

Now that seems a terrible thing to expect from someone or to want to subject anyone to.

Not that I was sure what he meant. My guess was that his slave would not grow, progress, develop, evolve: change in any way. Enslavement as a sort of personal stasis.

To be fair the inner life of many people freezes. They become unchanging bores. And spend the rest of their days in front of the TV set.

But I can’t imagine a submissive person with any creativity, spirit – real interest in life signing up for a form of slavery that entails anything like the lack of a future.

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No Future
BDSM Romance - Notes on Power Exchange and S&M by an Erotically Electic Guy