Poor Old Mr. Penis

Ruined Orgasm I

Many years ago during a period when I was looking for an outlet for my masochism a man who wrote me had a sadistic desire that was new to me.

The guy wanted to tie me up and masturbate me to and past orgasm. The continued massaging of my penis would eventually become painful. Having been a sometimes too enthusiastic wanker I knew my penis could become sore. What an exciting idea. (Sadly he decided that he wanted to explore his own masochism and we never met.)

Ruined Orgasm II

A device, finger, dildo, Aneros prostate massager is used to stimulate a man’s prostate gland. This forces him to ejaculate without having any sort of orgasm.

Technically there is no orgasm involved but involunatarily mimicking the results of an orgasms is dehumanizing and humiliating.

This has always struck me as a very moving experience. To have your physiological response manipulated inddependent of your actions or intenions.

Ruined Orgasm iII

A few years later focussing exclusively on F/m BDSM I read an entry on male genital manipulate:

No lubrication is used, and the glove is not allowed to slide over the organ. At the first twitch, pulsation, or other indication of approaching orgasm, she quickly removes her hand. She does not resume the almost mechanical “Milking” for a full minute. Sixty seconds is a long time when excitement is high. It is, however, necessary to wait out the full time prior to resumption. This same routine is carried out again and again, ceasing each time that there is the slightest muscle twitch observed or suspected. During the sixty seconds that the “Milking” is not taking place, the Mistress should tell the slave how well he is doing, how much pleasure she will get from his having a dribble orgasm, how displeased she will be if he has strong contractions, how he must relax and not do anything to spoil her pleasure, etc. This, in conditioning terms, is the reinforcement stage. The grand finale is a little squirt from the cock slit, followed by his slime slowly oozing out. While this is occurring Mistress should again give positive reinforcement. …

My synapses contorted themselves into new shapes when I read that. I wish I’d copied the entire, quite long, entry. The blog is long gone but it always seemed to actually be written by a woman in a F/m power exchange relationship.

How profoundly humbling to have one of a man’s greatest delights so diminished, made feeble.

Ruined Orgasms IV

From another F/m blog:

I then very quickly and vigorously, almost viciously, from behind, jerk his organ with my rubber gloved hand. He is so tense that it rarely takes even a minute before he is ready to spurt. I am watching this very closely and as soon as I note a slight start of a spasm I stop, take my hands away, step back and watch amused as he spurts, in a most frustrating fashion into his condom.

I assure you there is no orgasm when this method is employed, try it yourself and see! The look of frustration, total and utter frustration, is a picture to behold. Even now after several years of this treatment, he cannot quite comprehend just how frustrating the experience is. It leaves him yearning and desiring satisfaction, dreaming of what he used to experience. He remains totally unrelieved of his sexual tensions and urges, indeed they are multiplied ten-fold as a consequence of the frustration of being so near, yet so far from an orgasm. All that has been released is his semen, not his sexual tension.

This blog entry was much longer. I was rapt with helpless fascination. But clearly the account was fiction presented as truth. Perhaps only to give the story a greater sadomasochistic thrill.

Ruined Orgasm Summary

The first is pure S&M. The masochist’s penis is forced to endure pain. This is so much the opposite of what is expected from the genitals that it is almost shocking.

The second is also pure physical manipulation of a man’s sexual organs. His power over himself is literally taken away. It seems like a species of consensual sexual assault.

In the third a man is masturbated in a carefully structured manner. The goal is to elicit an orgasm without pleasure. The man’s body is pushed to climix perhaps by duration.

With the fourth we find a man caculatingly brought to orgasm only to have the stimulation removed with cunning timing to render the orgasm pleasureless.

The first and second kinds of male sexual manipulation are actually practiced.

The third and four have captured the mind’s of masochistic men as the most humiliating. Especially number four. It is the kind of ruined orgasm men search the web for.

The Runied Orgasm Myth

A BDSM urban legend I think. Of course I speak only with the authority of my own body.

I’ve certainly had orgasms that I felt could’ve been better.

I’ve had orgasms after taking my hand from my penis just a moment too soon.

Sometimes I’ve had orgasms that didn’t result in ejaculation. My body still shuddered. Pleasure surged through me.

Even my mildest, most flawed and least competently achieved orgasms gave me pleasure.

Your can be over-masturbated to pain. Your prostate can be massaged to ejaculation without orgasm.

But even the most minimal orgasm is fun.

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Ruined Orgasms Theory & Practice
BDSM Romance - Notes on Power Exchange and S&M by an Erotically Electic Guy

Like adult bookshops. I never became a habitué. But it was a good place to begin the study of homosex.

Back then there were these really trashy, sleazy sex tabloids. I bought one. It was filled of things not dreamed of in my philosophy. Like butt plugs. Who knew such things existed. Why did they exist? (Something I’ve yet to understand.)

There were things that grab my imagination and would color my BDSM fantasies forever.

There was a crude drawing of a man in bondage. His neck collar as connected to a testicle collar. Movement would pull at his balls or squeeze his neck.

I’d just discovered predicament bondage. Maybe the drawing is why my testicles are so deeply connected with submissive emotions (otherwise they are just there unless I – ouch! – bump into something).

The response of my internal plethysmograph testify to how testicle bondage excites me.

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How do I get my partner to dominate me?

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Rare – if existing – is the couple that will have perfectly matching fetishes, symmetrical kinks.

For somebody who hates generalizations I make so many.

Of the straight couples I’ve known over the years it has in every single instance been the woman who ended the relationship, left the man.

Some of the women wanted more excitement, particularly more sexual pleasure. Some I think wanted a spouse who was less of a boy, who didn’t leave it to his wife to perform managerial and practical tasks.

And there were the women who after years of a seemingly happy marriage exploded with rage. These I felt after their children left no lost much of the direction of their lives. Felt they’d been deprived of fulfillment than motherhood. Perhaps had long felt that. But kept it suppressed. Then it boiled over with violence. Even a desire for revenge.

The guys were all kind, humane, intelligent men. They were ignorant or had been unwilling to see their spouse’s growing dissatisfaction. (They were all unambitious men: perhaps a coincidence.)

This was on my mind recently and prompted me to write about dissatisfactions in power exchange relationship. But I got sidetracked into emotional masochism. Leaving me with a poorly written note on the latter.

My friends’ failed love affairs put to mind how disparate expectations complicate and eventually put an end to kinky relationship.

All those male tops bitching about how “subs and slaves” aren’t real. That is they hookup with women (and men) who don’t really want to be treated like robots or human garbage 24 hours a day and 7 days a week. This is nothing more than the inability – perhaps on both sides – to accept that masturbatory fantasy can’t actually be lived in the real world.

Mostly it was submissive guys who are dissatisfied that the woman who tops or (ahem) owns him isn’t sufficiently dominant and sadistic.

You see it frequently with submissive men who have persuaded their wives and girlfriends to dominate them just a little bit. He is often pushing her to do more. And topping from the bottom: and knows it and wish he didn’t feel it necessary.

Really these men need to be honest and accept that the relationship is never going to match their desires. Separate, get a divorce: the longer it drags out the worse it will be in the end.

There are also couples in D/s relationships with unequal inclinations of some sort. He wants Mistress to be more demanding. Lots more demanding: mean and cruel. She’s content to control and spank him. When she’s in the mood. And does her best to oblige him when she can.

But it isn’t really enough. And his is submissive, possibly passive aggressive mind resentment is building up. Until the day he lashes out shocking her with his anger.

And aside from the crazy tops I mentioned above there are dominant men and women who grow frustrated because some desire, fetish isn’t fulfilled. The bottom pushes away but promises to try it soon. Soon never comes. Or as on arrival the safeword follows. One day the top berates the submissive lover or playmate for not meeting the agreement to satisfy the tops seemingly risk aware expectations.

The moral as always: is speak your mind. Communicate. Or one of you will be blaming the other.

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Image of Male Submission
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People outside of D/s are just as baffled when those things happen to them.

It took me far too many years to catch on the psychology of this kind of behavior. People often won’t tell you why they are dissatisfied with a relationship. They may not even tell you that they aren’t happy and fulfilled. They’d rather just retreat and hide.

Despite all the social aggression we witness most people are reluctant – afraid – to cause a fuss, endure friction or be thought a ‘negative’ person. They’d rather hide in silence, retreat behind walls.

Have you ever applied for a job only to find it nearly impossible to discover whether or not you’ve been hired? You haven’t but the person who chose someone else gets his or her stomach in a knot at the prospect of telling you. So they hide behind their secretary.

Many years back the stress that bosses felt when firing employees caused ‘dehiring’ consultants to do the dirty work for them. Corporations paid fat fees so managers wouldn’t have to look a discarded employee in the face.

It is the same weird timidity at work.

Similarly in the most conventional romance people will suddenly become unable for a date. They claim to be too busy with work or school. They’d rather invest huge amounts of time contorting themselves than admitting that something about the relationship hasn’t worked for them. And rather let it end than cope with the emotional risks of being open enough to discover if there is a solution.

Some fear appearing in a bad light. Others just want to move on if the thrill they expected wasn’t found.

A bottom may have found what he or she was experiencing boring. Boring in a way that left them without any desire to continue. While enduring ennui can be a part of submission it can just be tedious and nothing more.

Or the bottom may find some experiences uncomfortable and unsatisfying. But be trapped by that. Emotional state that leaves a bottom unwilling or unable to complain and explain. So they just give up.

Tops may feel that their authority or competence has been challenged. There are tops that feel confused or guilty about this. The ability to negotiate vanishes and they lapse into silence. While tops are mere mortals like the rest of it some find admitting that unendurable.

Unconfident, playmates and lovers would rather let a relationship die than undergo the demands of honest discussion, the challenge of emotionally naked conversation.

This is sad. The shy man or woman, rendered unwilling o speak loses a valued friend in fearful silence. And as those who can push past these fears can attest many of the best relationships are built on foundations that looked rocky at first.

It hurts to be shut out. Equally it hurts to be the one closing the door.

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BDSM Romance - Notes on Power Exchange and S&M by an Erotically Electic Guy

Because my sexuality is fluid and mercurial I can say many different – even seemingly contradictory – things about my desires and needs that are all conditionally true.

In my online profiles I’ve tried various strategies for honestly capturing my sexual and affectional orientations. To be honest without confusing or overtaxing the reader.

A proper profile for myself as a submissive and masochistic man would need to be a small website of about twenty pages. Since my changes are slim I’ve never actually put out the effort to construct such. (Though I did create one consisting of several pages in the time shortly before Charles.)

What you may get out of my profiles is contingent on your expectations, inclinations and patience.

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Ebooks have been common in the make money the easy way online sucker market for some time. Now they are invading BDSM, at least the Femdom portion of it.

Ebooks are often written by people with no expertise in the subject they are covering, just a desire to make a buck. Often the rights to the books are sold to other people who also peddle it online.

The page count is often low and sometimes a series are sold as an online course. It is a real sucker’s market.

Don’t be fooled into buying an ebook or online course promising to teach you how to be a submissive man, turn your wife into a dominatrix or win a Mistress.

Everything that you need to know about male submission and female dominance is out here on the web. Again and again: there is no secret, no hidden lore; any promise of special techniques is sheer bunk.

Being a good submissive man is mostly about being a good man; taking a pleasure in deference, needing to surrender to control. And often – hooray for masochism! – happiness in pain.

The people you can learn from are the men and women who have forged successful female dominant relationships and share their experiences on blogs and forums. Don’t be tempted by the bogus offers you see on the web.

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Tweo that I’ve recently read have been almost archetypal instances of phony female domination: submissive men writing as dominant woman. And focus the trinity of their species: cuckoldry, sissyfication and extreme orgasm denial.

Because the author as created a virtual private universe the fake blogs have an internal consistency that can almost fool you.

One detail often gives the game away: panties.

Women who enjoy lingerie write of their attire with aestheticism and lyricism. The men I’m thinking of write mechanically.

For them panties aren’t something lovely. They are the master key to their obsession.

Not that I’m going to upbraid them for writing porn as fact. They are victims of their compulsion.

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I’ve never known anybody to say they were thrilled to get a picture of some unknown person’s penis. Billions of people have one so they aren’t special. If you are trying to meet people online you may want to offer something more distinctive. Besides good manners should tell you to wait until you think the other person expresses an interest.

And submissive straight guys – do you really think that is what dominant women spend their nights thinking about? Actually it normally makes lists like The Five Most Annoying Things Men Do When Writing Dommes. Sending her one just about guarantees her only response will be to hit the delete key.

On gay sites – where enthusiasm for penises is a given – such photos don’t appear.

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