A reader wrote:
I need help! I’m in a very long-term committed relationship gay
relationship. I love my partner more than anything in the world and we
get along really well. He is my best friend, as corny as it sounds.
Anyway, I’m a pretty shy person and for most of our relationship
we never really had intense conversations about sex. Our sex is pretty
normal (maybe not as often as I like) but we both are happy.However, recently I’ve discovered that my partner, every night,
searches for “small penis humiliation” on the internet. I
go to sleep earlier than him almost every night because of our work
schedules, and when I got on our computer, I guess he neglected to
clear the history and it showed these sites. I was so confused! What is
this? He has an average penis, perhaps a little smaller than usual when
not hard. It’s taken me a few weeks to process this, and
I’ve been lying awake every night feeling confused and scared.
I’m trying to read up on this and calm my nerves – I don’t
want anything to happen to our relationship.Please! I need help understanding the psychological background of this.
Why would he not tell me? Is he scared I would think he was weird? I
don’t want to tell him I know and then cause him emotional harm,
either.
Small Penis Humiliation is a fetish I first read about in The Advocate. It is one of those forms of atypical sexuality that are impossible to anticipate but soon seems an inevitable mutation of erotic desire.
I think Small Penis Humiliation fans fall into two main branches:
I
For some men it is part of a broader form of emotional masochism. The guy desires to be found unmanly and hence unworthy. Usually this is accompanied by a desire to crossdress. Particularly forced transvestism where he’s given the illusion that he’s acting against his will.
Crossdressing if the partner can accept it is harmless enough. But the anti-masculine compulsions often include a desire to be cuckolded. Some men actually badger their wives and girlfriends to cheat on them.
Rare is the spouse who wants to have sex outside the relationship. Some men pester their partner to relentlessly that the relationship ends. Some succeed in convincing the other person to have do it. While a few couples can actually do this in a loving relationship mostly the consequences are devastating. The relationship is badly damaged and often ends.
II
Some Small Penis Humiliation fetishists only want their penis laughed at. The size of the man’s cock is irrelevant. In this rare instance penis size is a state of mind. These guys are often surprisingly cheerful and aren’t really masochists.
If they are able to find someone to go along with them being mocked arouses them and great sex between the couple follows.
If you are in love with a guy with an emotional masochist like most vanilla lovers you are doomed to unhappiness. You can’t change a person’s sexuality. But if he just wants you to smile at his penis. Set aside your prejudices and do it.
Why?
My guess is that the guys who just want mild SPH probably imaged girls laughing at them when they were going through adolescent. The feelings of desire and arousal became associated with the images conjured up by their self-doubt.
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Given that it’s a gay relationship, it seems more likely that the partner imagined other boys making fun of his penis.
If you (the writer of this letter) don’t want to bring up this topic, you could do something like this. When you’re lying in bed together naked but he’s not erect, you’re not really doing anything, just shake his penis a little and say something like, “Silly little thing.” That’s not so crazy a thing to say that it implies that you’ve looked at his browser history, but you can see how he responds. If he seems to like it then you can keep talking to him (or the penis), saying something like, “Oh, you like that, do you? If I call you a silly little thing?”
Sounds kind of sweet/sexy to me – a fairly innocent intro (vs. laughing at his erect cock, which could go over badly).
i like SPH and also Impotence Humiliation, i use it as a substitute for self harm as im too scared to do that,my wife left me when i became impotent due to an accident by a hospital administering drugs for IVF treatment, she had an affair before we split and this caused lots of rows and one of the insults she threw at me was that her new bf was bigger than me and better in bed, i bbecame very depressed esp when subsequent gf were dissatisfied with my sexual performance, finally i decided to live a solitary life and thats when this fantasy became my form of sexual satisfaction, i have never had it in real life but encourage girls on my facebook page to mock me by putting pics up and making jokes about myself
Upon experience you should encourage some ideas, ask him if he’s fine with it right away because he may feel a loss in trust that you’re aware of his secrets. If he’s fine with it then do it, if not then just give him his privacy. It’s best to ask after sex, maybe after he does something that you like.
I’m into SPH, but it started while in bed when comparing size while just talking to somebody I was dating. Later when he noticed I became aroused we let everything sort of happen from there. Emotionally it feels as if they’re the superior, the dominant one even times outside of the bedroom. Just be careful and start off slow, know your limits and be social and it never hurts to have a safe word.