Inexperienced Tops & Online Slaves
I ran across a profile that stated that the writer’s subby (sic) friends had often told him that he’d make a good dominant. The exact wording of the profile has faded. It seemed to have a strong element of bluff.
The man had never topped anyone since he was seeking to begin to do so. My suspicion was that he had no real life BDSM experience. Like many his kink life was wholly online.
On the web if you declare yourself dominant you’ll have no shortage of ostensibly submissive people striving to kiss your virtual ass.
As heady as that adoration may be it can lead to the worst sort of false self-confidence. There’s no way of knowing how well you are able to read a submissive person’s potentials and desires. Online playmates are going to tell you what you want to hear.
And a novice sadist can forget the lack of real experience. I remember one whose head was filled with plans for cattle prods and hot pokers without having any idea how likely the masochist would be to visiting the hospital.
Isolated tops can become a bit batty. I remember running across a few in isolated areas here who’d come to have the most outlandish self-esteem and overweening expectations.
On my second visit to the profile the author had inserted the standard bitch about people who weren’t “real subs.” There was no third time: the profile was withdrawn.
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It’s easy to get a lot of stroking from people who know you only online. Partly it’s self-selection – people who read my blog and go “blergh” don’t tend to stick around and comment – and partly it’s just easy to find someone fabulous on the internets when you don’t have to actually deal with their shit day to day.
And, of course, related to what you’re talking about, it’s pretty easy to be, or seem like, a good top online. Before I sought out bdsm in real life, I was involved in some on Second Life (which actually inspired me to do it in real life, which has worked out really well, so I’m not complaining). In Second Life, it’s pretty easy to have good times, and as long as you buy the right type of animated bed, lack of skill is not a problem. And the amount of “people skill” required to deal with someone who isn’t actually being hurt or put into physically fearful situations is much, much lower. (The ratio of “this is super hot” to “actually this is kind of scary, and not just in the fun way” is so much higher when it’s a fantasy, which is how you can get into some really extreme play online that does not translate well into real life.)